The Stories We Tell (Sell) Ourselves

Is your life more of a soap opera than you want it to be?

We perceive and remember what fits into our personal story–an internal script of our world and ourselves. Beliefs and assumptions, based on experiences, dictate what we look for and give meaning. We always find or create that which validates our beliefs, and ignore, mistrust, disbelieve, or more likely, don’t notice anything that doesn’t fit into that pattern.  We are continually reinforcing our self-image.  Protect the ego at any cost.

We repeat behavior, even that which doesn’t work, because it offers security and familiarity. Doing the same thing results in a known outcome; we justify predictability and call it effectiveness. When we move beyond a familiar pattern, we often experience anxiety.

Repetition makes us feel comfortable, even if the repetition is limiting or frustrating. By opting for repetition, we limit creativity. Stuck behavior has stuck consequences. Staying in a rut long enough begins to seem like fate. That outlook can lead to despair. The ultimate question about fixed beliefs or “stuckness” is: Does it work?

Who Wrote This Script?

Change may be difficult, but it begins with the easy recognition that we are the authors of our own life story. Insight, understanding, aha moments and theory rarely create change. New theories alone will not drive out past lived experiences. Lasting change requires new lived experiences to replace old experiences.  We’ve invested a lot of years in the old system, and will have to practice the new stuff of “what we want instead,” before new changes become automatic.

Questions worth asking:

• What do you want to change?
• What do you want to outgrow?
• What do you want to avoid?
• What do you want to enhance?

How to Rewrite the Old Script.  Start with the questions above.  Then:

• Write a list of 5-15 personal and business goals/affirmations/suggestions.  Use the present tense (I am, I have, I do…etc. and write them in the Final End Result (e.g. I earn $ X dollars per month and/or, I weigh X lbs. by (date), I give powerful presentations, etc.  Be precise, specific.

• Learn to relax.  It’s more about your brain calming down the internal chatter than relaxing your body—although that’s a good idea once or twice a day also.  Over time the ability to focus gets easier.

• In a relaxed state of mind, silently repeat your list of suggestions (internal silent talk lights up the auditory recognition parts of the brain on fMRIs just as hearing from the outside of you does (mental impressions).  Take time to visualize each suggestion you repeat silently, in its successful completion (imaginarily seeing positive actions or outcomes).  Imaginary pictures light up the visual portions of the brain just as it would light up while actually seeing with your eyes open (impacting many more brain cells). With each goal/suggestion/affirmation, HEAR, SEE and then FEEL (kinesthetic)

the sense of accomplishment that reality would create (stimulating the flow of feel-good neurotransmitters like dopamine and oxytocin). We do things to feel good or to minimize pain.  Associate each goal with a good feeling and find your resistance to change and improving performance, change for the better.

• Be consistent.  Do this to start your day and as you go to sleep at night.  Brain cells that fire together, wire together.  Voila! A new habit is born or a new level of performance is achieved.  21, 30 days, immediately or???  Don’t count the days, do the work and the results will come.

• Go through your day expecting yourself to make the better choice and to follow through with your goals, rather than waiting for things to happen. The decision to do the right thing rather than the easy thing will become more and more automatic, day by day, as your brain prompts you to make better decisions.

Barry Eisen

Barryeisen.com

Reposted from Dec 6, 2016