For some people, reaching out to strangers comes naturally. For others like myself, it took practice and time to build up confidence to the point where I now enjoy it instead of getting anxious about it.
Things get a lot easier when you have an opening question that works, and once you realize that often the stranger in front of you is also looking for a way to reach out to you too, and is hesitating for the same reasons you are.
That alone is an interesting conversation starter: “Isn’t it funny how we’re both trying to think of something to say first?”
Here are 14 other good conversation starters to use when the time is right:
1) Keep it simple, introduce yourself and offer a handshake. “Hi. My name is … . What’s yours?”
2) If they’re wearing a nametag, ask them about their name.
3) If they’re wearing a nametag, say “Hi … . What do you do?” This isn’t my favorite opening line, but you’ll always get an answer.
4) Look for something you have in common with the person, and ask a related question. At the very least, ask what they think of the event you’re both attending, whether you’re referring to the speakers, the topics, or even just the room you’re in.
5) If the person has something very different about them, such as being a member of the opposite sex, much older/younger, etc., ask them for their specific point of view on an issue at the event i.e. “as a woman, how do you feel about the …?”
6) Ask what inspired them to come to the event.
7) If you recognize the person from the brochure for the current event, say so and ask them about their role in the event.
8) If you recognize the person from somewhere else such as a previous seminar, tell them so, and ask them if they liked that other event.
9) If you’re at an event with many foreigners, ask where they’re from.
10) If you’re at an event with many foreigners, ask what they think of the location.
11) If you’re at an event for a professional association, ask what made them become a member when they did.
12) Compliment them, but only if you really mean it. Women love this, and love doing it e.g. “I love your hair/watch/purse/etc.”
13) If they have a personal brand accessory, ask the first question that pops into your mindwhen you see it.
14) If you have a personal brand accessory, ask them what they think about it.
15) If there’s food or refreshments, offer to get them something.
From another friend of mine, career strategist Tim Tyrell-Smith:
“You find and connect with people when your eyes meet theirs. You make a connection with your eyes, smile and approach with confidence. And then you kick things off with a question. A starter or introductory question needs to be open ended so that the other person is given a wide berth in which to answer. To put their own spin on things. Everyone likes to give their ideas and opinions. The question also needs to be genuine.”
16) Just ask “How’s your day?”
Try these ideas as soon as you can, and you’ll start to get comfortable with which ones work best for you.
You’ll know things have changed when other people start asking how it’s so easy for you to start a conversation.