A – ATTENTION: Give the speaker your full attention. Turn your body toward them and make eye contact. Don’t multitask. Give indications you’re listening (nodding, saying ‘yes’ or making appropriate facial expressions.)
F – FOCUS: Focus on what the speaker is saying. Don’t think about your argument, what you’re going to say next, or anything else but the message you’re receiving.
F – FEELINGS: Identify the feelings behind the message. If the topic is sensitive or involve emotions, listen for what those feelings are. Identify how the speaker feels about the topic they’re sharing with you.
O – OBSERVE: Watch body language to see if it reinforces the message or is it inconsistent with what the speaker is telling you.
R – RESTATE or REPHRASE: If you want the speaker to feel heard, and your want to reinforce you’re hearing correctly, rephrase the message.
D -DETERMINE: Verify you understand correctly if you’re unclear. After paraphrasing back, simply ask, “do I understand correctly?” If you’re still not clear, ask for more clarification.